Are You Teaching Your Children To Lie?

Integrity is doing the right thing C. S. Lewis

Many of us tell our children that honesty is the best policy however is it possible that by our example we are teaching them the opposite? Children are like sponges and they are soaking up everything around them. They pay attention to your actions as well as your words. They pick up on the emotions in the family and they notice far more than parents realize.

Let me describe a circumstance that repeated itself in my life and you can decide if it has occurred in yours. When my sons were young, both under the age of eight, I noticed that my husband began using the phrase, “don’t tell Mom about this”. It applies to multiple situations from buying something to some activity that was borderline unsafe. Of course, my husband didn’t tell me, but my sons would slip up and mention the event followed by “oh no, I wasn’t supposed to tell you.” This is so common, we’ve all seen commercials based around the idea of not telling mom, to keep out of trouble.  

Although it may seem funny at the time, as this type of behavior continues it creates some destructive attitudes in our children. They learn it is okay to lie if it keeps them out of trouble, not realizing that the truth will always find a way to be known. Children learn to not share particular events with one of their parents, thus creating a block to communication that exists in the etheric, often undetected. They learn that lying is a path to get what they want, not understanding the law of cause and effect will eventually correct the situation.

You may have dealt with adults who carried the habit of withholding the truth into the workforce. They become the employee who makes a mistake but won’t own up to it, thinking if nobody knows what they did, they aren’t responsible. We’ve all worked with someone who lied about another or an event. When this person is working with a team, moral plummets as there is no true comradeship because there is a lack of trust.

Whenever one person in a relationship makes a practice of withholding the truth or has the habit of lying, they are preventing the relationship from being all that it could be. The law of vibration states that every thought and action vibrates at it’s own frequency. Since all untruths are based in some sort of fear (getting in trouble or having someone think badly of them among others) those spoken words vibrate much lower than someone speaking the truth. Words and actions based in truth vibrate closer to love which is the opposite frequency of fear.

Just a little something for you to think about the next time you find yourself wanting to withhold the truth from someone. Regarding our children, we all want them to have the best life possible. Wouldn’t that include not burdening them with habits that lower their vibration and cause them challenges later in life?

christiebakeman.com

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Being True To Yourself

It's better to concuer yourself    Buddha

This week a situation that has been going on for fifteen months finally came to it’s conclusion. For most of that time I felt I was fighting constant mental battles. Some of those episodes were extremely stressful as I attempted to anticipate the other party and research the laws that would be part of the process.  Although the outcome was favorable to me, I actually lost something far more important.

For the past several years I’ve focused on being happy and centered which enabled me to be more objective and see the good in all situations. As I rode an out of control, emotional rollercoaster I slipped back into old habits; seeing what was wrong, constantly questioning others intentions and feeling defensive whenever I spent time working on this situation. I allowed this challenge to impinge on other areas of my life. I missed opportunities to be happy in the present moment because I was focused on what was going on that I didn’t like.

I know better. I’m aware that we get more of anything that we focus on, especially when there is emotion attached to the situation. Positive or negative doesn’t come into play. The formula is simple: thoughts + emotion = manifestation. Although I couldn’t control what the other parties said or did, I did have a choice of how I reacted. My thoughts and my emotions were my choice.

Often times when we experience an extremely stressful situation we find it difficult to think clearly. This is where practice makes a difference. When we practice or drill on the smaller incidents in our lives then we are better prepared to handle the larger issues that arise. For example, if someone says something rude to you and instead of getting upset, you recognize that you have a choice. You choose at that time to not let it affect you or you focus on something else that makes you feel better. It’s just like seeing the cup half full rather than half empty.

All of us have challenges in our lives. My hope for you is that you remember (quicker than I did) that you have a choice. You choose your thoughts. You choose the emotions you experience. Thus you choose how you will experience life. Be happy my friends.

It’s Your Life….Own It! is a book written by this blogger and available here.

We all Lie!

People like Truth   Gina DeVee

Yes, we all lie. The question is where do you draw the line?

If you read that title and immediately got your feathers ruffled, that’s good because you will be open enough to consider what is written here. Let’s start with something simple. Have you ever told a child about the tooth fairy or the Easter bunny? See, sometimes we tell lies to create an illusion meant to excite or create happiness. What about telling a lie about where you are going or doing because you are trying to keep the secret of a surprise party? Those types of lies all seem reasonable and in no way do we think they affect our level of honesty. So where do you draw the line? Is a lie okay if we are trying to protect someone?

Many of us think that the truth is the truth and it doesn’t change however I would propose that the truth has to do with your beliefs about a subject more than what the reality is. From a broad standpoint, if you believe in your heart that people are basically good then you may see someone’s error in judgment as simply a mistake rather than a lie. In this circumstance, you will be likely to believe what this person says to you and accept it as the truth.

All of us have the ability to recognize when someone is telling us the truth. However, if your belief in a person or concept is strong, you may ignore the warning signs that you are being lied to. Think about a time in the past where someone you love told you something and you immediately got a funny feeling. Just as quickly you dismissed it and told yourself that you were being paranoid or unreasonable. Being aware of your feelings is important because they are your guidance system.

You are an energetic being. As all energy does, you vibrate at a frequency. Thoughts and words also have an energy, therefore a vibration that you are picking up energetically. When something is off, possibly not being the truth, we recognize it at the level of our feelings. Your awareness level of your own feelings will have an impact on your ability to identify the truth. In my past career I had training in identifying physical characteristics that occur when someone is lying, however I always found that my feelings were far more accurate. Some would refer to this as trusting your gut. Not one time did anyone begin our conversation with I’m dishonest so you can’t believe anything I say! Quite the contrary, people who are trying to convince you that they are telling the truth will say things like; honestly or you know I’d never lie to you or the truth is when they begin to tell you something. I’m just reminding you to trust your feelings and notice when something feels off to you.

Now lets flip the roles and think about a time that you lied to someone. Maybe you thought you’d be in trouble if the truth was known. Not providing the “full story” could have been your way of failing to take responsibility for your actions or words. It could be you did something intentionally that you felt was wrong and didn’t want to admit it. We’ve all done it so I’m not here to chastise you. What I do want to point out is the feeling you had about the mistruth. Did you notice you felt nervous? Did you have a pit in your stomach? Did you have the desire to avoid the person because you felt too upset near them to stay in control? Whenever you feel those types of emotions, you emit a frequency that someone else can pick up if they are aware or at least not oblivious. Just a little something for you to think about the next time you are thinking about “stretching” the truth.

If this type of article makes you think, check out my website christiebakeman.com

Black, White, Brown Lives Matter

the secret to change    Socrates

The law of vibration permeates everything. Ignorance about universal laws doesn’t mean they don’t govern our lives, it simply means we are unaware. When this is the case, we talk about coincidence or luck, failing to recognize we have pulled a circumstance or person into our life because it matched our vibration. Like attracts like and there is simply no avoiding that. The law of attraction works in conjunction with the law of vibration bringing us people, events and things that are at a similar frequency to the one we are operating at. This is as true for individuals as it is for groups.

When a group, or individuals of that group, publicly state that they want others to suffer, or that someone, different than they are, should be killed so they understand the pain the group has experienced…..I want to scream……What the hell are you doing? You cannot improve a situation by creating more of the same. I understand feeling hurt. I understand the pain of loss. I understand the frustration of wanting things to change. I also understand that many times we need to do something to defend ourselves against perceived wrongs. The manner that we do that, defines us as people and a society.

Every emotion that we feel comes from love or fear. Where contentment is closer to love, anger is closer to fear. Picture a horizontal line with fear on the left and love is on the right. You can plot every emotion on that line. You can also plot every thought, belief and action somewhere on that same line. The frequency that you normally vibrate at is somewhere between love and fear. Only you know where that is and only you can change it via your thoughts.

If you want to learn more about how to change your thoughts, my book It’s Your Life…Own It! provides practical techniques that you can start using today. Available in soft cover or ebook at author book site. Much love and light to all of you.

Recognizing A Poor Choice

best choice brings relief.

I fucked up! Normally I keep my language pretty clean in my writing but sometimes the best word for a situation is blunt, to the point and leaves little room for interpretation. Whether you know me personally or not you’ve already figured out that I made a decision that didn’t work out as I’d intended it. You don’t even have to know what the situation or circumstance was to figure out I’m not happy about a choice I made. Three words was all I had to share for you to understand how I’m feeling and I bet you thought of a time that you used those words and felt what I’m feeling.

All of us make life choices that we believe are the best thing to do at the time and later when we acquire more information, we realize there was a better choice. My fuck up was ignoring my internal guidance system. Rather embarrassing for a writer who focuses on being aware of your emotions. By day three after my initial decision I was noticeably less happy. Even though I recognized this, I didn’t want to admit I was wrong. On day five I was downright negative and became critical of others. That finally got my attention.

We human beings want to be right. We go to great extents to justify why we are right, especially when another is pointing out that we are wrong. Think about a time that someone else pointed out you were wrong. It’s likely that even if you thought their argument was valid, you began by justifying your position. It’s a process we take ourselves through before we are able to admit we are wrong. If we pay attention to how we feel, the time this process takes can be shortened.

Once I realized I was being negative I knew I had to make a decision. I had to either find a way to be happy with my decision or completely reverse it. Sitting on the fence of indecision I waffled for several minutes as I thought about the possibilities from a logical space. Then I focused on my emotions. Thinking about a complete reversal of my initial decision brought a feeling of relief. It didn’t bring me great joy, just relief, however that was moving me in the right direction. Once I made the involved parties aware that I was changing direction, I felt more relief and within hours I began feeling more upbeat, more like myself.

You hear people say “life is short” all the time in reference to how we spend our time. I will never get back those five days however at least it wasn’t five months or five years. I learned from the experience and if a similar circumstance arises, I will be better equipped to gather more information in the beginning to make the best choice possible. Most important it was a reminder to pay attention to how I feel. Our emotions exist to assist us on our journey so we can recognize if we are in alignment with our true self. Invalidating your emotions so you can be right will backfire in the end. For me, reaching for happiness each day has to be more important than always being right.

christiebakeman.com

 

Are You Asking The Right Questions?

what if idea of life

How many times a day do you find yourself asking questions? I’m not talking about asking for directions or if you can substitute something on a menu. I mean the type of questions that have a real impact on your day. These could be part of your self talk or questions that you vocalize to others.

The type of questions we ask are the best indicator of whether or not we feel in control of our own lives. If the eyes are the door to the soul, then our questions are the window into how our mind perceives personal accountability. The manner that our questions are phrased in, allow us to identify what our preconceived beliefs are about the subject.

Asking why, who and when questions often times indicate a victim mentality. Yea, I know that probably doesn’t sit well with you so let me provide some examples. Why is this happening to me? Who came up with that bright idea? When is the company going to realize that policy doesn’t work? Why can’t she see what is happening? Who is in charge of this place? When is the government going to do what is right for citizens? All of these are a relinquishment of personal responsibility.

Compare the questions above to these that encourage personal accountability. What can I do to improve the situation? How can I help? What part can I play to assist my co-workers? How are my thoughts affecting my results? What is the best solution to this problem? How can I improve my financial results? The best questions you can ask yourself usually involve what and how and also some form of I. These are the types of questions that promote personal accountability.

I know that for myself, I was asking the wrong questions during the most difficult time in my life. Although all areas of my life were affected, I’ll share just one aspect. Finances. During the prior two years I’d made an extra 33% on top of my normal income because of bonuses and stock options. As fast as that extra money hit our joint bank account, I was seeing it disappear just as quick as my husband decided there would be more where that came from. I was asking; why is he doing this? Why isn’t he following through on what we agreed upon? Who does he think he is, spending my money? When is he going to start behaving responsibly? Notice anything? These questions are all about someone else changing, as though what was happening was being done to me. At the time I didn’t realize I was thinking like a victim. That came later.

What I should have been asking at the time, preferably at the beginning of those two years, should have been questions about me and my accountability. What am I going to change? How am I going to invest the extra money I made? What am I going to do to take responsibility for what is happening? If I would have taken accountability personally rather than blame my husband, I could have and would have made different choices. Asking what and how questions would have forced me to adjust my thoughts and the results would have changed.

All of us have opportunities each day to decide if we are going to take personal accountability. I’m reminded of attending a meeting where a slide during a HR presentation said, “Accountability begins with YOU!”. Actually stating it in that way isn’t quite right as it points the preverbal finger in the other direction. Accountability begins with ME! I make my own choices. Each day there are circumstances that allow me to choose between blaming another or taking the bull by the horns and deciding that I can do something to make the situation better. I’d encourage you to pay attention to the questions you ask of yourself and others. Are they benefiting you by allowing you to be personally accountable? I hope they are.

My book, It’s Your Life….Own It! is about taking control of your own life. Let’s face facts, trying to change somebody else’s behavior probably hasn’t produced the results you were looking for. We can only change ourselves. Author / Book Link

 

Finding Yourself After Divorce

Working on self divorce

When I found myself living alone for the first time in thirty years, it was as though I’d entered a virtual world. It had components of my previous reality, yet I walked through the first few months in a bit of a fog. My old habits continually exerted their influence and I found myself stopping mid task and asking what the hell I was doing. For example, the first time I went to the grocery store to stock my kitchen, I found myself picking up a bottle of ranch dressing.  When I put it in the shopping cart, I stood there staring at it for a full minute before I took it out and put it back on the shelf.  I hate ranch dressing.  I bought it for years for my husband and children. These are the type actions that you don’t think about, until you do.

The most difficult and time consuming change was changing how I felt about myself. I was no longer getting daily feedback about how I looked or what another didn’t like about what I was doing. When you live in an environment that is continually critical, no matter how strong you are, eventually you begin to take that criticism on as part of your truth. As I started noticing thoughts that made me feel bad, I had to examine each one for the origin….was it my initial thought or one that I’d taken ownership of after hearing it from another?  Recognizing that a belief about yourself actually was something you adopted is the first step in liberating yourself from those beliefs.

Once you identify a belief that is no longer part of your truth, or isn’t beneficial to you, you need to create a replacement belief.  It’s one thing to say I’m not going to believe that anymore, but that isn’t how our minds work.  Think of a toddler with a box of crayons who colors on the wall.  Taking away the crayons could be a short term solution however replacing the surface for coloring teaches what is acceptable.  “Susie, we color on these papers then we can hang them on the wall.” Hopefully you see the difference. For me, the thoughts I had to replace ran the gamut from my feet are ugly to I’m too controlling.

Here is the actual exercise I did to help me begin to change those beliefs about myself. First I wrote down the beliefs that made me feel bad about myself.  I did this in pencil and I left a couple of blank lines between each belief.  I filled a couple of pages on my legal pad as negative thoughts flooded my mind and found their final resting place on the yellow paper with the blue lines. The next part of the process took much more time.  Using a pen, I wrote replacement thoughts in the blank lines between those non-beneficial thoughts. The reason this took longer is I had to find a thought I could believe without that constant battle that occurs when you try to convince yourself of something that is out of your acceptable level of what’s possible. For example I replaced I’m too controlling with I make thoughtful decisions and being organized helps me keep my life in order.

You probably guessed the reason for writing those negative beliefs in pencil, so you can erase them. If you do this exercise for yourself, I’d encourage you to only erase the old belief once you’ve truly switched how you think about that particular topic. That means, dealing with one at a time. It doesn’t matter if it takes months to adjust your beliefs, after all it probably took years for you to take on those negative beliefs. Be gentle on yourself as you work at changing them.

Learning to live on your own after being part of a couple can be difficult however if you’ve gotten to the point that being alone would bring you more personal happiness, I understand that feeling. Although my book is about multiple areas of life, life partners fills a chapter. For more information, you can check out my author book site. No matter what you do, I want you to know that if someone else is deciding how you think about yourself, it’s worth examining.