Being True To Yourself

It's better to concuer yourself    Buddha

This week a situation that has been going on for fifteen months finally came to it’s conclusion. For most of that time I felt I was fighting constant mental battles. Some of those episodes were extremely stressful as I attempted to anticipate the other party and research the laws that would be part of the process.  Although the outcome was favorable to me, I actually lost something far more important.

For the past several years I’ve focused on being happy and centered which enabled me to be more objective and see the good in all situations. As I rode an out of control, emotional rollercoaster I slipped back into old habits; seeing what was wrong, constantly questioning others intentions and feeling defensive whenever I spent time working on this situation. I allowed this challenge to impinge on other areas of my life. I missed opportunities to be happy in the present moment because I was focused on what was going on that I didn’t like.

I know better. I’m aware that we get more of anything that we focus on, especially when there is emotion attached to the situation. Positive or negative doesn’t come into play. The formula is simple: thoughts + emotion = manifestation. Although I couldn’t control what the other parties said or did, I did have a choice of how I reacted. My thoughts and my emotions were my choice.

Often times when we experience an extremely stressful situation we find it difficult to think clearly. This is where practice makes a difference. When we practice or drill on the smaller incidents in our lives then we are better prepared to handle the larger issues that arise. For example, if someone says something rude to you and instead of getting upset, you recognize that you have a choice. You choose at that time to not let it affect you or you focus on something else that makes you feel better. It’s just like seeing the cup half full rather than half empty.

All of us have challenges in our lives. My hope for you is that you remember (quicker than I did) that you have a choice. You choose your thoughts. You choose the emotions you experience. Thus you choose how you will experience life. Be happy my friends.

It’s Your Life….Own It! is a book written by this blogger and available here.

Advertisements

Black, White, Brown Lives Matter

the secret to change    Socrates

The law of vibration permeates everything. Ignorance about universal laws doesn’t mean they don’t govern our lives, it simply means we are unaware. When this is the case, we talk about coincidence or luck, failing to recognize we have pulled a circumstance or person into our life because it matched our vibration. Like attracts like and there is simply no avoiding that. The law of attraction works in conjunction with the law of vibration bringing us people, events and things that are at a similar frequency to the one we are operating at. This is as true for individuals as it is for groups.

When a group, or individuals of that group, publicly state that they want others to suffer, or that someone, different than they are, should be killed so they understand the pain the group has experienced…..I want to scream……What the hell are you doing? You cannot improve a situation by creating more of the same. I understand feeling hurt. I understand the pain of loss. I understand the frustration of wanting things to change. I also understand that many times we need to do something to defend ourselves against perceived wrongs. The manner that we do that, defines us as people and a society.

Every emotion that we feel comes from love or fear. Where contentment is closer to love, anger is closer to fear. Picture a horizontal line with fear on the left and love is on the right. You can plot every emotion on that line. You can also plot every thought, belief and action somewhere on that same line. The frequency that you normally vibrate at is somewhere between love and fear. Only you know where that is and only you can change it via your thoughts.

If you want to learn more about how to change your thoughts, my book It’s Your Life…Own It! provides practical techniques that you can start using today. Available in soft cover or ebook at author book site. Much love and light to all of you.

What Are You Attracting?

there is force in the universe   Mahatma Gandhi

The law of attraction has been and is discussed more than any other universal law. That is because we all like to dream about achieving or acquiring all of our desires. Similar to the way a strong smell can permeate through clothing or a home, the law of attraction is woven through other universal laws, always present and working in conjunction with all the unseen laws that create our environment. Like attracts like at all levels of life.

We’ve all heard that knowledge is power. Gaining an understanding about other universal laws can add to your personal power. For example; the law of vibration states that everything, seen or unseen has its own frequency. This includes the matter that physical objects are composed of but it also includes our thoughts and actions. Like attracts like in all things therefore whatever frequency an individual vibrates at, based on their thoughts and actions, will attract other people, events and circumstances at that same frequency. Whenever there is strong emotion surrounding a pattern of thoughts, the law of attraction will be quicker about bringing other things at the same frequency to that person.

Recently I was made aware of a woman who received exactly what she’d put out into the universe yet she was surprised at the results, thinking them unfair. She began this path with telling another person she was going to destroy their life and take everything from them. Her actions over the next year were vindictive as she constantly attacked the other person including saying things about his family that were untrue. When she began this journey it was with the anticipation of gaining tens of thousands of dollars as she portrayed herself as a victim in the situation. My bet is that she is unaware of many universal laws and has no idea how low the frequency is that she was sending out.

We live in a universe that is fair and it delivers back to us what we put out. Imagine this woman’s disbelief when a judge ruled for the other person and then placed a judgment against her for thousands then added attorney fees on top of it. Evidently learning the “Golden Rule” was missing from her childhood. She thought the system rigged therefore she couldn’t see that universal laws about vibration, cause and effect, responsibility and attraction were all working together to bring her the perfect match to her frequency.

I share this to provide you something to think about. There are times when we feel we’ve been done wrong and feel the need to defend ourselves. When that type of situation occurs, it would benefit us to put some thought into the matter and make conscious choices about how to proceed. Jesus said, “turn the other cheek.” He was telling us that we are going to attract what we focus on. If we attack another, we should expect to be attacked. However if we live with love and compassion, we will find ourselves experiencing those. Live wisely.

christiebakeman.com

Finding Yourself After Divorce

Working on self divorce

When I found myself living alone for the first time in thirty years, it was as though I’d entered a virtual world. It had components of my previous reality, yet I walked through the first few months in a bit of a fog. My old habits continually exerted their influence and I found myself stopping mid task and asking what the hell I was doing. For example, the first time I went to the grocery store to stock my kitchen, I found myself picking up a bottle of ranch dressing.  When I put it in the shopping cart, I stood there staring at it for a full minute before I took it out and put it back on the shelf.  I hate ranch dressing.  I bought it for years for my husband and children. These are the type actions that you don’t think about, until you do.

The most difficult and time consuming change was changing how I felt about myself. I was no longer getting daily feedback about how I looked or what another didn’t like about what I was doing. When you live in an environment that is continually critical, no matter how strong you are, eventually you begin to take that criticism on as part of your truth. As I started noticing thoughts that made me feel bad, I had to examine each one for the origin….was it my initial thought or one that I’d taken ownership of after hearing it from another?  Recognizing that a belief about yourself actually was something you adopted is the first step in liberating yourself from those beliefs.

Once you identify a belief that is no longer part of your truth, or isn’t beneficial to you, you need to create a replacement belief.  It’s one thing to say I’m not going to believe that anymore, but that isn’t how our minds work.  Think of a toddler with a box of crayons who colors on the wall.  Taking away the crayons could be a short term solution however replacing the surface for coloring teaches what is acceptable.  “Susie, we color on these papers then we can hang them on the wall.” Hopefully you see the difference. For me, the thoughts I had to replace ran the gamut from my feet are ugly to I’m too controlling.

Here is the actual exercise I did to help me begin to change those beliefs about myself. First I wrote down the beliefs that made me feel bad about myself.  I did this in pencil and I left a couple of blank lines between each belief.  I filled a couple of pages on my legal pad as negative thoughts flooded my mind and found their final resting place on the yellow paper with the blue lines. The next part of the process took much more time.  Using a pen, I wrote replacement thoughts in the blank lines between those non-beneficial thoughts. The reason this took longer is I had to find a thought I could believe without that constant battle that occurs when you try to convince yourself of something that is out of your acceptable level of what’s possible. For example I replaced I’m too controlling with I make thoughtful decisions and being organized helps me keep my life in order.

You probably guessed the reason for writing those negative beliefs in pencil, so you can erase them. If you do this exercise for yourself, I’d encourage you to only erase the old belief once you’ve truly switched how you think about that particular topic. That means, dealing with one at a time. It doesn’t matter if it takes months to adjust your beliefs, after all it probably took years for you to take on those negative beliefs. Be gentle on yourself as you work at changing them.

Learning to live on your own after being part of a couple can be difficult however if you’ve gotten to the point that being alone would bring you more personal happiness, I understand that feeling. Although my book is about multiple areas of life, life partners fills a chapter. For more information, you can check out my author book site. No matter what you do, I want you to know that if someone else is deciding how you think about yourself, it’s worth examining.

A Great Memory Can Be a Detriment.

Let It Go Iyanla Vanzantchristiebakeman.com

I had an epiphany on Mother’s Day about myself and how much room I had for spiritual growth.  I’ve always been proud of my memory.  The fact it was good wasn’t just my opinion, co-workers quickly discovered I didn’t forget much.  It didn’t matter if the subject was dates, events or policies.  My mind connected enough dots to allow recall on demand.  The same is true regarding personal relationships, as I would recall conversations, feelings and behaviors.  This is especially true for those connected to a date or holiday.  Hence my soul searching adventure on Mother’s Day.

We were having dinner at my in-laws and I suppose the expression on my face was a bit melancholy.  “Why do you look like that?  You heard from both your boys and we both told you happy Mother’s Day this morning” says hubby.  Well that was all it took for me to recall in great detail the past few Mother’s Days and the inaccuracy of his statement.  Down the rabbit hole I went emotionally.  A few minutes later I felt the need to correct him as I pulled him aside and pointed out that my step-daughter has never wished me greetings on this day.  Not to mention her lack of acknowledgment of my birthday, which of course I did mention.

There lies the epiphany.  The quality of life isn’t about what others do or don’t do, it is about how we think about the situation.  Do we label it as a positive or a negative?  Any event is just that, an event.  It isn’t until we assign it a label within our mind that it produces any type of emotion.  I know this.  I write about it.  However there are times that I forget what I know and I react without objectivity and follow the river of my emotions.

Later, on the drive home, I found myself defending my step-daughter within my own mind.  I know she loves me from what she says and does during the course of daily life for the three years we’ve lived together.  Maybe she feels it would be disloyal to her own mother to demonstrate appreciation on a special day.  The fact that she would prefer to live with her mother and it isn’t possible weighs on her soul.  Where mothers day is special to me, it may be a torment within her.  These are things I must consider for both of our benefit.  Along with the fact that I know she wouldn’t intentionally hurt me.  Within a blended family there are wounds that are unseen, yet must be tended to.  As a parent, we must set the example and recognize what is important to our children to allow them to flourish.  That may mean seeing life from their point of view instead of our own.

Sometimes having a great memory prevents us from living in the present moment.  When we are thinking about what has happened in the past we aren’t focused on the here and now.  We miss the joy of the moment.  The fact is that all of us have painful memories, big or small doesn’t matter.  When we put our attention on those we prevent something different from manifesting in our lives.  Like attracts like.  Sometimes you just have to let things go.  Being grateful for what is currently in your life is a good start.  For me I need to be less proud of my memory and develop a pride for living in the moment.

Please feel free to comment on this or any other blog.  I’m interested in your opinions.

Thoughts Impact Your Health!

you are where your thoughts brought you

I don’t know about you, but I grew up believing that diseases were inherited.  However recent scientific data proves that is only the case about 5% of the time.  What really makes a difference is what you think about your own health and I’m talking about both your self talk and what you say to others.  Your language also makes a difference.  The universe doesn’t recognize don’t, never and no especially when there is strong emotion behind your statements.  The law of attraction brings you what you are focused on, meaning the situation or circumstance that has your attention.

Let me tell you a story to make my point.  I had a close friend who I’ll call Cal.  When Cal was a teenager his father passed away at the young age of 46.  Once Cal had a family of his own he began worrying that he would have the same fate.  He repeatedly said out loud that he would never leave his children without a father.  Cal would talk about his father dying young and say it wouldn’t happen to him.  Because of his concern he made sure that he got regular checkups and he lived a relatively healthy lifestyle.  He didn’t smoke, drank alcohol only on occasion and exercised.  Yet, his mental focus was still on not letting some horrible disease sneak up on him.  At age 40, he began having health issues and a variety of doctors couldn’t agree on what was causing them.  He was visiting doctors at least twice per month.  Three days after his cardiologist gave him a clean bill of health he passed away at 43 years old.  He did exactly what he said he wouldn’t…..left his children without a father.

If this was the only person I observed this happen to, maybe I would think differently.  However I’ve witnessed the law of attraction bring multiple people what they were focused on.  When you use the words never or don’t want, please recognize that you are putting energy and focus on that thing you are trying to push away.  Whatever we resist, persists. That’s the tough part especially when we feel so strongly about anything, including our health.  We receive what we are attracting with our beliefs and our thoughts.  When someone dies at a young age we often will hear about how unfair life is.

This world that we live in is fair, you just have to understand the rules.  I’m talking about the operating system that we live within.  You get what you focus your energy and attention on and if those desires are coupled with strong emotion, unseen forces go to work to bring it to you.  Pay attention to your thoughts and learn how to focus on what it is that you really desire.  Having gratitude for your health is a good start.  Learn more about making the rules of the universe work in your favor by learning how your beliefs affect your results.  My book, It’s Your Life….Own It! shares concepts about improving your health as well as other areas of your life.  Check out my author page to learn more.

Manifesting Requires Faith

Have faith....universe supports you in every way

The most difficult part of creating something new in your life is to have faith.  The lack of faith is the reason people don’t believe the law of attraction works for them.  Typically this is the scenario.  I come up with a desire and send that out into the universe, maybe I even share it with another person.  I think about what it is that I want, why I want it and how it will benefit me and others.  I focus on the result but can’t help also focusing on the details.  Then I wonder about the hows.  That’s when the doubts start marching into my mind like soldiers from a conquering land.  With them, they carry the why’s of why my dream isn’t possible.  My logical mind starts pointing out my current reality and before you know it, doubt has taken over, placing me on a fence of my manifestation.  I will surely fall off this fence on the side of my beliefs.  Without faith I fall back into my current reality – the one I’m trying to escape.

Sound familiar?  We all experience this scenario at some point for different reasons.  It could be that you lack confidence in your abilities.  It could be that you aren’t convinced that you deserve to have your desires manifest.  It could be that your beliefs about yourself don’t benefit you any longer and need to change.  I can’t tell you the why.  What I can tell you is that change is possible if accompanied by faith.

Faith is simply a belief in something that you can’t see or touch even though you know it exists.  Are there things you already experience faith in?  Maybe it is a higher power such as God.  Maybe you have faith that your children will do the right thing.  You may have faith that a particular candidate will follow through on their promises.  My point is that each of us experiences faith in something outside of ourselves and we can apply that same principle to our own creation.

When you decide to create anything you do so with a bit of faith that it is needed, will fill a gap or will be beneficial to you or others.  Let’s revisit the scenario from above.  You decide that you are going to follow through with a dream.  You love it and are passionate about this dream.  You send it out into the universe, including telling others because the spoken word is powerful.  You focus on the result; what your life looks like once this dream is achieved and how you feel.  Capture that feeling and that picture in your head so it is the only option.  You create this new reality in your mind.  You “know” that the universe is handling the hows and will provide opportunities to move you closer.  You take faith filled action each day to contribute to the manifestation of your dream.  You believe you are on the correct path for you and when those soldiers of doubt approach, you have faith that the fortress of your mind is strong enough to hold them at bay until the point that you begin to experience your new reality.  No need to fight the soldiers at that point, let them die from the natural cause of your dream being realized.

If this writing resonates with you, check out my website and join our community.