Are You Teaching Your Children To Lie?

Integrity is doing the right thing C. S. Lewis

Many of us tell our children that honesty is the best policy however is it possible that by our example we are teaching them the opposite? Children are like sponges and they are soaking up everything around them. They pay attention to your actions as well as your words. They pick up on the emotions in the family and they notice far more than parents realize.

Let me describe a circumstance that repeated itself in my life and you can decide if it has occurred in yours. When my sons were young, both under the age of eight, I noticed that my husband began using the phrase, “don’t tell Mom about this”. It applies to multiple situations from buying something to some activity that was borderline unsafe. Of course, my husband didn’t tell me, but my sons would slip up and mention the event followed by “oh no, I wasn’t supposed to tell you.” This is so common, we’ve all seen commercials based around the idea of not telling mom, to keep out of trouble.  

Although it may seem funny at the time, as this type of behavior continues it creates some destructive attitudes in our children. They learn it is okay to lie if it keeps them out of trouble, not realizing that the truth will always find a way to be known. Children learn to not share particular events with one of their parents, thus creating a block to communication that exists in the etheric, often undetected. They learn that lying is a path to get what they want, not understanding the law of cause and effect will eventually correct the situation.

You may have dealt with adults who carried the habit of withholding the truth into the workforce. They become the employee who makes a mistake but won’t own up to it, thinking if nobody knows what they did, they aren’t responsible. We’ve all worked with someone who lied about another or an event. When this person is working with a team, moral plummets as there is no true comradeship because there is a lack of trust.

Whenever one person in a relationship makes a practice of withholding the truth or has the habit of lying, they are preventing the relationship from being all that it could be. The law of vibration states that every thought and action vibrates at it’s own frequency. Since all untruths are based in some sort of fear (getting in trouble or having someone think badly of them among others) those spoken words vibrate much lower than someone speaking the truth. Words and actions based in truth vibrate closer to love which is the opposite frequency of fear.

Just a little something for you to think about the next time you find yourself wanting to withhold the truth from someone. Regarding our children, we all want them to have the best life possible. Wouldn’t that include not burdening them with habits that lower their vibration and cause them challenges later in life?

christiebakeman.com

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Black, White, Brown Lives Matter

the secret to change    Socrates

The law of vibration permeates everything. Ignorance about universal laws doesn’t mean they don’t govern our lives, it simply means we are unaware. When this is the case, we talk about coincidence or luck, failing to recognize we have pulled a circumstance or person into our life because it matched our vibration. Like attracts like and there is simply no avoiding that. The law of attraction works in conjunction with the law of vibration bringing us people, events and things that are at a similar frequency to the one we are operating at. This is as true for individuals as it is for groups.

When a group, or individuals of that group, publicly state that they want others to suffer, or that someone, different than they are, should be killed so they understand the pain the group has experienced…..I want to scream……What the hell are you doing? You cannot improve a situation by creating more of the same. I understand feeling hurt. I understand the pain of loss. I understand the frustration of wanting things to change. I also understand that many times we need to do something to defend ourselves against perceived wrongs. The manner that we do that, defines us as people and a society.

Every emotion that we feel comes from love or fear. Where contentment is closer to love, anger is closer to fear. Picture a horizontal line with fear on the left and love is on the right. You can plot every emotion on that line. You can also plot every thought, belief and action somewhere on that same line. The frequency that you normally vibrate at is somewhere between love and fear. Only you know where that is and only you can change it via your thoughts.

If you want to learn more about how to change your thoughts, my book It’s Your Life…Own It! provides practical techniques that you can start using today. Available in soft cover or ebook at author book site. Much love and light to all of you.

Recognizing A Poor Choice

best choice brings relief.

I fucked up! Normally I keep my language pretty clean in my writing but sometimes the best word for a situation is blunt, to the point and leaves little room for interpretation. Whether you know me personally or not you’ve already figured out that I made a decision that didn’t work out as I’d intended it. You don’t even have to know what the situation or circumstance was to figure out I’m not happy about a choice I made. Three words was all I had to share for you to understand how I’m feeling and I bet you thought of a time that you used those words and felt what I’m feeling.

All of us make life choices that we believe are the best thing to do at the time and later when we acquire more information, we realize there was a better choice. My fuck up was ignoring my internal guidance system. Rather embarrassing for a writer who focuses on being aware of your emotions. By day three after my initial decision I was noticeably less happy. Even though I recognized this, I didn’t want to admit I was wrong. On day five I was downright negative and became critical of others. That finally got my attention.

We human beings want to be right. We go to great extents to justify why we are right, especially when another is pointing out that we are wrong. Think about a time that someone else pointed out you were wrong. It’s likely that even if you thought their argument was valid, you began by justifying your position. It’s a process we take ourselves through before we are able to admit we are wrong. If we pay attention to how we feel, the time this process takes can be shortened.

Once I realized I was being negative I knew I had to make a decision. I had to either find a way to be happy with my decision or completely reverse it. Sitting on the fence of indecision I waffled for several minutes as I thought about the possibilities from a logical space. Then I focused on my emotions. Thinking about a complete reversal of my initial decision brought a feeling of relief. It didn’t bring me great joy, just relief, however that was moving me in the right direction. Once I made the involved parties aware that I was changing direction, I felt more relief and within hours I began feeling more upbeat, more like myself.

You hear people say “life is short” all the time in reference to how we spend our time. I will never get back those five days however at least it wasn’t five months or five years. I learned from the experience and if a similar circumstance arises, I will be better equipped to gather more information in the beginning to make the best choice possible. Most important it was a reminder to pay attention to how I feel. Our emotions exist to assist us on our journey so we can recognize if we are in alignment with our true self. Invalidating your emotions so you can be right will backfire in the end. For me, reaching for happiness each day has to be more important than always being right.

christiebakeman.com

 

Finding Yourself After Divorce

Working on self divorce

When I found myself living alone for the first time in thirty years, it was as though I’d entered a virtual world. It had components of my previous reality, yet I walked through the first few months in a bit of a fog. My old habits continually exerted their influence and I found myself stopping mid task and asking what the hell I was doing. For example, the first time I went to the grocery store to stock my kitchen, I found myself picking up a bottle of ranch dressing.  When I put it in the shopping cart, I stood there staring at it for a full minute before I took it out and put it back on the shelf.  I hate ranch dressing.  I bought it for years for my husband and children. These are the type actions that you don’t think about, until you do.

The most difficult and time consuming change was changing how I felt about myself. I was no longer getting daily feedback about how I looked or what another didn’t like about what I was doing. When you live in an environment that is continually critical, no matter how strong you are, eventually you begin to take that criticism on as part of your truth. As I started noticing thoughts that made me feel bad, I had to examine each one for the origin….was it my initial thought or one that I’d taken ownership of after hearing it from another?  Recognizing that a belief about yourself actually was something you adopted is the first step in liberating yourself from those beliefs.

Once you identify a belief that is no longer part of your truth, or isn’t beneficial to you, you need to create a replacement belief.  It’s one thing to say I’m not going to believe that anymore, but that isn’t how our minds work.  Think of a toddler with a box of crayons who colors on the wall.  Taking away the crayons could be a short term solution however replacing the surface for coloring teaches what is acceptable.  “Susie, we color on these papers then we can hang them on the wall.” Hopefully you see the difference. For me, the thoughts I had to replace ran the gamut from my feet are ugly to I’m too controlling.

Here is the actual exercise I did to help me begin to change those beliefs about myself. First I wrote down the beliefs that made me feel bad about myself.  I did this in pencil and I left a couple of blank lines between each belief.  I filled a couple of pages on my legal pad as negative thoughts flooded my mind and found their final resting place on the yellow paper with the blue lines. The next part of the process took much more time.  Using a pen, I wrote replacement thoughts in the blank lines between those non-beneficial thoughts. The reason this took longer is I had to find a thought I could believe without that constant battle that occurs when you try to convince yourself of something that is out of your acceptable level of what’s possible. For example I replaced I’m too controlling with I make thoughtful decisions and being organized helps me keep my life in order.

You probably guessed the reason for writing those negative beliefs in pencil, so you can erase them. If you do this exercise for yourself, I’d encourage you to only erase the old belief once you’ve truly switched how you think about that particular topic. That means, dealing with one at a time. It doesn’t matter if it takes months to adjust your beliefs, after all it probably took years for you to take on those negative beliefs. Be gentle on yourself as you work at changing them.

Learning to live on your own after being part of a couple can be difficult however if you’ve gotten to the point that being alone would bring you more personal happiness, I understand that feeling. Although my book is about multiple areas of life, life partners fills a chapter. For more information, you can check out my author book site. No matter what you do, I want you to know that if someone else is deciding how you think about yourself, it’s worth examining.

The Toughest Decision I’ve Made

Sometimes you don't feel the weight

christiebakeman.com

When I came to the conclusion that my marriage was over there was a strange combination of relief and fear.  I was over 50 and had been married for 27 years.  I’m not one that jumps onboard the bandwagon of my mind when a contrary thought skitters through it.  I’m contemplative.  I examine most issues from multiple perspectives and often this takes some time.  Just so you know up front, I’m not trying to wash my dirty laundry here.  My intent is to allow you to understand the process for such a weighty decision, should you ever find yourself in a similar circumstance.

Our beliefs about marriage greatly influence both the effort we put forth and the level of what we will tolerate.  My intent in the beginning was till death do us part.  I grew up thinking that was how it was supposed to be.  Even though my parents divorced, I still believed it was possible to stay with that special someone until the very end of this life.  My brothers and I frequently discussed how all of us had been married longer than our parents.  There was a collective pride that all of us were achieving something our parents couldn’t.  Those beliefs kept me stuck like a piece of toast hung up on the side of the toaster.  Knowing there was a purpose beyond the edge but requiring something to prod me above the lip.

That nudge came in the form of recognizing I was unhappy.  I write about this wake up call in my book, It’s Your Life….Own It! so I’ll leave the details out.  However I will explain why I didn’t know I was unhappy.  Whatever we are used to on a daily basis becomes our normal, this is especially true when you’ve been living the same way for years.  We develop habits and behaviors that allow us to cope.  Many of us are busy with careers and family so we simply don’t take the time to ask if it could be different.  We accept our lot in life as situations repeat themselves producing the same results.  At that time I wouldn’t have described myself as unhappy but I was and I was doing my best to cope with it….until I couldn’t.

Once the lid of recognition is open, you can’t just close it again and pretend you are unaware.  A choice must be made.  I had to examine if I could get a different result if I put in more effort and really made my marriage a priority.  Of course that would require the other person to be just as willing.  In short order (a few months) it became obvious that wasn’t going to happen.  When I made the decision that divorce was my best option, it brought me some relief, actual physical relief.  That is how I knew I was headed in the right direction.  As I started making a mental action plan and began taking small steps, I continued to feel better.

The key to knowing if you are making the best decisions involve recognizing how you feel.  The emotional guidance system we all have works for us, if we listen.  The true you holds a grand picture of who you are and the more in alignment you become, the better you will feel.  A decision that makes you feel worse is only pointing out that you are moving away from being in alignment with yourself.

As the fears of my decision began to surface, and there were several, I had to deal with them one at a time.  My biggest fear was damaging the relationship with my children.  I’d seen too many circumstances where the children were used as pawns or forced to take sides.  My goal was for my sons to understand my choice, not necessarily agree with it.  Honest conversations where I allowed them to ask pointed questions resolved that fear.  Had they been younger, it may have been different. Of course our children are aware of the disfunction of our relationships, far more so than we give them credit for.

My next biggest fear may seem silly to those who knew me but I was afraid of living alone.  I’d been part of a couple for over half my life and honestly I didn’t know who I would be outside that unit.  It wasn’t about being able to support myself, I could easily do that.  It was about figuring out who Christie was as a person and what I wanted out of life.  Vague concepts like being happy and fulfilled were goals but the details were a blur.  I knew I wanted something different yet that step into the unknown was scary.

The next blog will share steps I took to feel whole again.

 

Thoughts Impact Your Health!

you are where your thoughts brought you

I don’t know about you, but I grew up believing that diseases were inherited.  However recent scientific data proves that is only the case about 5% of the time.  What really makes a difference is what you think about your own health and I’m talking about both your self talk and what you say to others.  Your language also makes a difference.  The universe doesn’t recognize don’t, never and no especially when there is strong emotion behind your statements.  The law of attraction brings you what you are focused on, meaning the situation or circumstance that has your attention.

Let me tell you a story to make my point.  I had a close friend who I’ll call Cal.  When Cal was a teenager his father passed away at the young age of 46.  Once Cal had a family of his own he began worrying that he would have the same fate.  He repeatedly said out loud that he would never leave his children without a father.  Cal would talk about his father dying young and say it wouldn’t happen to him.  Because of his concern he made sure that he got regular checkups and he lived a relatively healthy lifestyle.  He didn’t smoke, drank alcohol only on occasion and exercised.  Yet, his mental focus was still on not letting some horrible disease sneak up on him.  At age 40, he began having health issues and a variety of doctors couldn’t agree on what was causing them.  He was visiting doctors at least twice per month.  Three days after his cardiologist gave him a clean bill of health he passed away at 43 years old.  He did exactly what he said he wouldn’t…..left his children without a father.

If this was the only person I observed this happen to, maybe I would think differently.  However I’ve witnessed the law of attraction bring multiple people what they were focused on.  When you use the words never or don’t want, please recognize that you are putting energy and focus on that thing you are trying to push away.  Whatever we resist, persists. That’s the tough part especially when we feel so strongly about anything, including our health.  We receive what we are attracting with our beliefs and our thoughts.  When someone dies at a young age we often will hear about how unfair life is.

This world that we live in is fair, you just have to understand the rules.  I’m talking about the operating system that we live within.  You get what you focus your energy and attention on and if those desires are coupled with strong emotion, unseen forces go to work to bring it to you.  Pay attention to your thoughts and learn how to focus on what it is that you really desire.  Having gratitude for your health is a good start.  Learn more about making the rules of the universe work in your favor by learning how your beliefs affect your results.  My book, It’s Your Life….Own It! shares concepts about improving your health as well as other areas of your life.  Check out my author page to learn more.

Manifesting Requires Faith

Have faith....universe supports you in every way

The most difficult part of creating something new in your life is to have faith.  The lack of faith is the reason people don’t believe the law of attraction works for them.  Typically this is the scenario.  I come up with a desire and send that out into the universe, maybe I even share it with another person.  I think about what it is that I want, why I want it and how it will benefit me and others.  I focus on the result but can’t help also focusing on the details.  Then I wonder about the hows.  That’s when the doubts start marching into my mind like soldiers from a conquering land.  With them, they carry the why’s of why my dream isn’t possible.  My logical mind starts pointing out my current reality and before you know it, doubt has taken over, placing me on a fence of my manifestation.  I will surely fall off this fence on the side of my beliefs.  Without faith I fall back into my current reality – the one I’m trying to escape.

Sound familiar?  We all experience this scenario at some point for different reasons.  It could be that you lack confidence in your abilities.  It could be that you aren’t convinced that you deserve to have your desires manifest.  It could be that your beliefs about yourself don’t benefit you any longer and need to change.  I can’t tell you the why.  What I can tell you is that change is possible if accompanied by faith.

Faith is simply a belief in something that you can’t see or touch even though you know it exists.  Are there things you already experience faith in?  Maybe it is a higher power such as God.  Maybe you have faith that your children will do the right thing.  You may have faith that a particular candidate will follow through on their promises.  My point is that each of us experiences faith in something outside of ourselves and we can apply that same principle to our own creation.

When you decide to create anything you do so with a bit of faith that it is needed, will fill a gap or will be beneficial to you or others.  Let’s revisit the scenario from above.  You decide that you are going to follow through with a dream.  You love it and are passionate about this dream.  You send it out into the universe, including telling others because the spoken word is powerful.  You focus on the result; what your life looks like once this dream is achieved and how you feel.  Capture that feeling and that picture in your head so it is the only option.  You create this new reality in your mind.  You “know” that the universe is handling the hows and will provide opportunities to move you closer.  You take faith filled action each day to contribute to the manifestation of your dream.  You believe you are on the correct path for you and when those soldiers of doubt approach, you have faith that the fortress of your mind is strong enough to hold them at bay until the point that you begin to experience your new reality.  No need to fight the soldiers at that point, let them die from the natural cause of your dream being realized.

If this writing resonates with you, check out my website and join our community.