Allowing Love To Overcome Disappointment

love is the only alchemy for transformation  Osho

I had a realization the other day. Okay, I’ll admit it, my better half took my own words, threw them back in my face and forced me to look at a situation differently. However it happened, I learned a lesson that is sticking with me because it continues to come into my mind.

One of my children made a mistake that in my mind, was beyond a huge error in judgment. Big enough that I questioned how a child of mine could not recognize the repercussions of their actions. My disappointment  kept me awake and off balance for a couple days. I suppose that learning the facts of the situation from a third party added to my disappointment.

My realization was that my disappointment stemmed from inside me not my child’s action. It may have been obvious to you in the above statement, “a child of mine”. That is a clear indicator that my expectations weren’t being met. Disappointment is simply a byproduct of unmet expectations. The important part is they were my expectations, not my child’s.

This whole line of thinking led me to review each time I’d told someone that I was disappointed in them. I thought about my children, my siblings, my employees and even some friends. Thinking about it now, what right did I have to impose my disappointment on them?

Naturally this led me to think about what I could have said or done differently. I thought I’d share some of them with you just in case you want to rethink disappointment for yourself. I could have asked questions. How can I help you resolve this? What can I do differently so you know that you are always loved? Do you want to discuss it? How are you feeling about your choices? If you had a do over, would you behave differently? How can I help you improve?

I’m just going to stop and think about what the source is the next time I feel disappointment. If it is my own expectations, I have control over how I feel and I’m going to exercise that.

christiebakeman.com

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Giving of Yourself

Every positive thought and action sends ripples out into the world. You may never know who you influenced to change for the better.

I was having a conversation with a young adult that reminded me how it is impossible to know all of the lives that we impact.

TJ shared with me that the night before he and a friend were sharing with a third party how they were both attracted to “broken” people. They have this need to fix others. Then TJ stated that it never worked out. As he described giving of himself there was an unspoken expectation that the other person would reciprocate in kind. He then bluntly stated that if he continued to give pieces of himself away, he would have less of himself. Because of this, he decided that he would no longer make an effort to help these friends and acquaintances that he’d been describing. TJ looked me in the eye and said, “don’t you agree that would be best.”

I told TJ I understood why he thought that way however I disagreed with every part of his assessment of the situation. He asked me to share why, not to be argumentative but he really wanted to know. Here is what I shared with him.

First, every person is “broken” in some way. It may not be obvious however each human being has something that they struggle with. In my eyes there’s no such thing as a broken person, instead I see individuals who need love and understanding. (Okay, some need a kick in the tush.) Some have lost their way or have never identified who they are but nobody is broken beyond repair. Each person is searching for the best way to live, and as teenagers or young adults, many different behaviors are exhibited as what fits them best is sought out.

When I told TJ that he was viewing the situations from a separation point of view he got a bit upset, as I knew he would because he sees himself as accepting of everyone. If we only view what occurs between two people then it is easy to develop a me vs you mentality. However if we stretch and take a birdseye view we would begin to see the connection between people and a oneness. What affects one person ultimately contributes to the vibration of all people.

If you share wisdom or inspire another it doesn’t end with them. Whatever action they take based on what they took away from the situation moves forward either with them or someone that they shared it with. This may occur right away or in the future. In other words, each action we take ripples out into the world and there is no way for you to know how many souls were affected. I encouraged TJ to see the bigger picture rather than focus on the one circumstance.

The pay it forward movement is based on this principle. Often times we provide help to someone who simply can’t repay us for the good deed. That shouldn’t upset us unless we are only doing something to get something back in return. Even though I know that there are those who merely take advantage of others, I believe it to be a small percentage. I believe in the innate goodness of people. That is due to my belief that we all come from a loving source. Those who are further out of alignment with themselves are struggling and exhibit behaviors we label as negative. It benefits us all if we can provide help or guidance to those who need it.

If you find yourself frustrated with someone today, pause long enough to let your own emotions calm down. Then take that birdseye view yourself. Maybe you will recognize some of the ripples that began with you being the first drop of love or kindness.

If you’ve not yet read my book, It’s Your Life…Own It! check out my author site to see if it resonates with you. Have a blessed day.

Why Dr. Wayne Dyer Inspired Me For Over 30 Years

Wayne Dyer nothing is impossible

I cried last August when I heard about Dr. Wayne Dyer’s death.  I was saddened not so much for myself but for the world as a whole.  We need people who are willing to honestly share of themselves to make a positive difference and to bring hope to this troubled planet.  A voice of reason, love and encouragement had left us.

The first time I encountered Wayne Dyer was shortly after Your Erroneous Zones was released.  He had just begun his speaking career and I was attending a conference by Alternatives In Motivation.  I had no idea that brief encounter would influence me throughout my adult life.  Let me me clear, the man couldn’t have picked me out of a crowd, still I felt a connection to his work.  I felt blessed to see him speak in Denver just four months prior to his death.  All the things I loved; his humor, common sense speak, gentleness, and openness still existed even after thirty years of being in the limelight.

Do you understand how difficult that may have been?  As I think about others I’ve met who have achieved great success, I am forced to observe the differences.  Arrogance, believing you are better and just plain rudeness don’t have to be byproducts of your achievements and Wayne proved that.  The wonder of this life and his openness resulted in his final book, Memories of Heaven, which examines our curiosity of where we came from the eyes of the newest among us.  I highly recommend this beautiful piece of work to anyone with children or grandchildren.

As a writer of non-fiction I find Dr. Wayne Dyer’s advice of writing from the soul, essential to staying focused.  I interpret this as writing from the highest vibration possible, what I call the true you, that indestructible energy that operates at the level that is part of all that is.  To recognize that all people are connected to a source energy and to appeal to that connection with words is something Wayne excelled at.  Even the stories of difficulties shared were meant to connect and then lift up those in the audience.

The fact is that no person lives without some challenges rising up and taking our attention away from what we desire.  How we label those events depends on both our beliefs and our attitude about life.  We can see them as opportunities for growth as Wayne did or we can see them as evidence of a cruel and unfair world.  The choice is yours.  For me, I choose to see the opportunity within the struggle, in part because I was introduced to a great teacher over three decades ago.

You can connect with me or see more of my work at christiebakeman.com  Please feel free to leave comments here or on my website.

Manifesting Requires Faith

Have faith....universe supports you in every way

The most difficult part of creating something new in your life is to have faith.  The lack of faith is the reason people don’t believe the law of attraction works for them.  Typically this is the scenario.  I come up with a desire and send that out into the universe, maybe I even share it with another person.  I think about what it is that I want, why I want it and how it will benefit me and others.  I focus on the result but can’t help also focusing on the details.  Then I wonder about the hows.  That’s when the doubts start marching into my mind like soldiers from a conquering land.  With them, they carry the why’s of why my dream isn’t possible.  My logical mind starts pointing out my current reality and before you know it, doubt has taken over, placing me on a fence of my manifestation.  I will surely fall off this fence on the side of my beliefs.  Without faith I fall back into my current reality – the one I’m trying to escape.

Sound familiar?  We all experience this scenario at some point for different reasons.  It could be that you lack confidence in your abilities.  It could be that you aren’t convinced that you deserve to have your desires manifest.  It could be that your beliefs about yourself don’t benefit you any longer and need to change.  I can’t tell you the why.  What I can tell you is that change is possible if accompanied by faith.

Faith is simply a belief in something that you can’t see or touch even though you know it exists.  Are there things you already experience faith in?  Maybe it is a higher power such as God.  Maybe you have faith that your children will do the right thing.  You may have faith that a particular candidate will follow through on their promises.  My point is that each of us experiences faith in something outside of ourselves and we can apply that same principle to our own creation.

When you decide to create anything you do so with a bit of faith that it is needed, will fill a gap or will be beneficial to you or others.  Let’s revisit the scenario from above.  You decide that you are going to follow through with a dream.  You love it and are passionate about this dream.  You send it out into the universe, including telling others because the spoken word is powerful.  You focus on the result; what your life looks like once this dream is achieved and how you feel.  Capture that feeling and that picture in your head so it is the only option.  You create this new reality in your mind.  You “know” that the universe is handling the hows and will provide opportunities to move you closer.  You take faith filled action each day to contribute to the manifestation of your dream.  You believe you are on the correct path for you and when those soldiers of doubt approach, you have faith that the fortress of your mind is strong enough to hold them at bay until the point that you begin to experience your new reality.  No need to fight the soldiers at that point, let them die from the natural cause of your dream being realized.

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