Are You Teaching Your Children To Lie?

Integrity is doing the right thing C. S. Lewis

Many of us tell our children that honesty is the best policy however is it possible that by our example we are teaching them the opposite? Children are like sponges and they are soaking up everything around them. They pay attention to your actions as well as your words. They pick up on the emotions in the family and they notice far more than parents realize.

Let me describe a circumstance that repeated itself in my life and you can decide if it has occurred in yours. When my sons were young, both under the age of eight, I noticed that my husband began using the phrase, “don’t tell Mom about this”. It applies to multiple situations from buying something to some activity that was borderline unsafe. Of course, my husband didn’t tell me, but my sons would slip up and mention the event followed by “oh no, I wasn’t supposed to tell you.” This is so common, we’ve all seen commercials based around the idea of not telling mom, to keep out of trouble.  

Although it may seem funny at the time, as this type of behavior continues it creates some destructive attitudes in our children. They learn it is okay to lie if it keeps them out of trouble, not realizing that the truth will always find a way to be known. Children learn to not share particular events with one of their parents, thus creating a block to communication that exists in the etheric, often undetected. They learn that lying is a path to get what they want, not understanding the law of cause and effect will eventually correct the situation.

You may have dealt with adults who carried the habit of withholding the truth into the workforce. They become the employee who makes a mistake but won’t own up to it, thinking if nobody knows what they did, they aren’t responsible. We’ve all worked with someone who lied about another or an event. When this person is working with a team, moral plummets as there is no true comradeship because there is a lack of trust.

Whenever one person in a relationship makes a practice of withholding the truth or has the habit of lying, they are preventing the relationship from being all that it could be. The law of vibration states that every thought and action vibrates at it’s own frequency. Since all untruths are based in some sort of fear (getting in trouble or having someone think badly of them among others) those spoken words vibrate much lower than someone speaking the truth. Words and actions based in truth vibrate closer to love which is the opposite frequency of fear.

Just a little something for you to think about the next time you find yourself wanting to withhold the truth from someone. Regarding our children, we all want them to have the best life possible. Wouldn’t that include not burdening them with habits that lower their vibration and cause them challenges later in life?

christiebakeman.com

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Allowing Love To Overcome Disappointment

love is the only alchemy for transformation  Osho

I had a realization the other day. Okay, I’ll admit it, my better half took my own words, threw them back in my face and forced me to look at a situation differently. However it happened, I learned a lesson that is sticking with me because it continues to come into my mind.

One of my children made a mistake that in my mind, was beyond a huge error in judgment. Big enough that I questioned how a child of mine could not recognize the repercussions of their actions. My disappointment  kept me awake and off balance for a couple days. I suppose that learning the facts of the situation from a third party added to my disappointment.

My realization was that my disappointment stemmed from inside me not my child’s action. It may have been obvious to you in the above statement, “a child of mine”. That is a clear indicator that my expectations weren’t being met. Disappointment is simply a byproduct of unmet expectations. The important part is they were my expectations, not my child’s.

This whole line of thinking led me to review each time I’d told someone that I was disappointed in them. I thought about my children, my siblings, my employees and even some friends. Thinking about it now, what right did I have to impose my disappointment on them?

Naturally this led me to think about what I could have said or done differently. I thought I’d share some of them with you just in case you want to rethink disappointment for yourself. I could have asked questions. How can I help you resolve this? What can I do differently so you know that you are always loved? Do you want to discuss it? How are you feeling about your choices? If you had a do over, would you behave differently? How can I help you improve?

I’m just going to stop and think about what the source is the next time I feel disappointment. If it is my own expectations, I have control over how I feel and I’m going to exercise that.

christiebakeman.com

Black, White, Brown Lives Matter

the secret to change    Socrates

The law of vibration permeates everything. Ignorance about universal laws doesn’t mean they don’t govern our lives, it simply means we are unaware. When this is the case, we talk about coincidence or luck, failing to recognize we have pulled a circumstance or person into our life because it matched our vibration. Like attracts like and there is simply no avoiding that. The law of attraction works in conjunction with the law of vibration bringing us people, events and things that are at a similar frequency to the one we are operating at. This is as true for individuals as it is for groups.

When a group, or individuals of that group, publicly state that they want others to suffer, or that someone, different than they are, should be killed so they understand the pain the group has experienced…..I want to scream……What the hell are you doing? You cannot improve a situation by creating more of the same. I understand feeling hurt. I understand the pain of loss. I understand the frustration of wanting things to change. I also understand that many times we need to do something to defend ourselves against perceived wrongs. The manner that we do that, defines us as people and a society.

Every emotion that we feel comes from love or fear. Where contentment is closer to love, anger is closer to fear. Picture a horizontal line with fear on the left and love is on the right. You can plot every emotion on that line. You can also plot every thought, belief and action somewhere on that same line. The frequency that you normally vibrate at is somewhere between love and fear. Only you know where that is and only you can change it via your thoughts.

If you want to learn more about how to change your thoughts, my book It’s Your Life…Own It! provides practical techniques that you can start using today. Available in soft cover or ebook at author book site. Much love and light to all of you.

Rather Lose My Job Than My Integrity

Integrity is doing the right thing C. S. Lewis

Have you ever had a job that you enjoyed so much, all others were compared to it?  Although I didn’t realize it at the time, I had the best job for me about twenty five years ago.  I was running a small company in Atlanta, wearing multiple hats on a daily basis.  The hours were crazy, the work full of variety and my team was full of creative individuals who were both a pain in the ass and inspiring.  I loved what I was doing!  I was having fun!  I was growing as an individual and a supervisor!  My team enjoyed their work and they kept improving and growing themselves.  Then it ended by my own hand.

I had to make the toughest career choice of my life.  It was heart wrenching because I really loved what I was doing.  Yet I knew, deep within my soul, that it was my only choice if I was going to be able to look at myself in the mirror.  Although I was the face of that company, the financial owners of that business were in another state.  When they asked me, actually directed me, to do something unlawful I was forced to make a choice.  I had to decide how important my integrity was.  Should I do what they wanted to keep my job?  I had two young children so the fear of losing my job put an incredible amount of stress on me.  How would we survive?  Then again, how would I survive if I went against all that I knew was right?

I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life however maintaining my level of integrity in that situation wasn’t one of them.  I resigned and walked away from a company I’d built up and enjoyed immensely.  I experienced months of depression caused by feeling like I had no sense of purpose.  With the help of friends I ended my self pity party and got on with life.

It may sound like a unique situation however people find themselves at the crossroads of integrity and going with the flow often.  Your boss asks you to do something that is at the very least, against your better judgment.  Your brother in law asks you to hang on to an illegal substance so your sister doesn’t find it.  Rather than answer a question honestly you believe it will cause less of a ruckus if you lie.  All may seem like relatively small, insignificant choices but I warn you they build on each other.

All of us want to be right.  When we commit an act or make a statement that we believe is wrong then we justify what we’ve done.  We decide it was the best choice and convince ourselves of that.  The next time a similar situation arises, it becomes easier to justify.  Pretty soon the personal line between right and wrong has become blurred to the point that we don’t remember where it is.  Thus we’ve given away little pieces of our integrity, not recognizing the effort it will take to recover that part of ourselves.

If you find that you feel guilt or self loathing over past decisions, please let it go.  Learn to forgive yourself for your poor judgement.  What’s past is past and there isn’t much you can do to change it unless there is some way to make amends with another person.  If that is the case, do what you need to.  However, you can make the choice to be true to yourself from this day forward.  Follow the path of what you know is right for you.  Think about your integrity and maintaining it at a level that you can live with….guilt free.  christiebakeman.com

Creating The Future You Desire

All of us are presently living the life we created from our past thoughts, beliefs and behaviors.  I know there is plenty of room for argument in that statement.  Most of us look around at our life and immediately focus on the things we don’t want and we are adamant that we didn’t create this.  Oh, but you did and until you take responsibility for it, your life won’t change.

Let’s think about how we decide what we want in our lives.  Most of the time we focus on the things we don’t like therefore we are deciding that we want the opposite, or at least something different.  Whatever you are focused on is what is drawn to you.  The universe doesn’t recognize negatives like don’t or never.  The universe gets that you are focused on an idea, a concept or an action and that is what is drawn to you.  The more emotion or feeling you have surrounding the thought indicates your alignment with it.  This is a universe of inclusion, meaning anything that has your attention and focus is what will be brought to you, so the use of don’t want turns into want.

If you can begin to take responsibility for just one area of your life, you can begin to change it.  Go ahead, decide now what part of your life you want to improve.  Pay attention to how often you blame or complain about the area you selected.  When I say pay attention, I’m addressing both your self talk that nobody hears and what you verbalize.  Is it possible that you are focusing your energy on the negative side of what you desire?  Remember you live in a universe of inclusion.  It may take practice but I know you can refocus your attention of the result of what you desire.  Practice this for just a week and then let me know if it produced any changes for you.  I’m positive it will.

christiebakeman.com

Taking Ownership