Are You Asking The Right Questions?

How many times a day do you find yourself asking questions? I’m not talking about asking for directions or if you can substitute something on a menu. I mean the type of questions that have a real impact on your day. These could be part of your self talk or questions that you vocalize to others.

The type of questions we ask are the best indicator of whether or not we feel in control of our own lives. If the eyes are the door to the soul, then our questions are the window into how our mind perceives personal accountability. The manner that our questions are phrased in, allow us to identify what our preconceived beliefs are about the subject.

Asking why, who and when questions often times indicate a victim mentality. Yea, I know that probably doesn’t sit well with you so let me provide some examples. Why is this happening to me? Who came up with that bright idea? When is the company going to realize that policy doesn’t work? Why can’t she see what is happening? Who is in charge of this place? When is the government going to do what is right for citizens? All of these are a relinquishment of personal responsibility.

Compare the questions above to these that encourage personal accountability. What can I do to improve the situation? How can I help? What part can I play to assist my co-workers? How are my thoughts affecting my results? What is the best solution to this problem? How can I improve my financial results? The best questions you can ask yourself usually involve what and how and also some form of I. These are the types of questions that promote personal accountability.

I know that for myself, I was asking the wrong questions during the most difficult time in my life. Although all areas of my life were affected, I’ll share just one aspect. Finances. During the prior two years I’d made an extra 33% on top of my normal income because of bonuses and stock options. As fast as that extra money hit our joint bank account, I was seeing it disappear just as quick as my husband decided there would be more where that came from. I was asking; why is he doing this? Why isn’t he following through on what we agreed upon? Who does he think he is, spending my money? When is he going to start behaving responsibly? Notice anything? These questions are all about someone else changing, as though what was happening was being done to me. At the time I didn’t realize I was thinking like a victim. That came later.

What I should have been asking at the time, preferably at the beginning of those two years, should have been questions about me and my accountability. What am I going to change? How am I going to invest the extra money I made? What am I going to do to take responsibility for what is happening? If I would have taken accountability personally rather than blame my husband, I could have and would have made different choices. Asking what and how questions would have forced me to adjust my thoughts and the results would have changed.

All of us have opportunities each day to decide if we are going to take personal accountability. I’m reminded of attending a meeting where a slide during a HR presentation said, “Accountability begins with YOU!”. Actually stating it in that way isn’t quite right as it points the preverbal finger in the other direction. Accountability begins with ME! I make my own choices. Each day there are circumstances that allow me to choose between blaming another or taking the bull by the horns and deciding that I can do something to make the situation better. I’d encourage you to pay attention to the questions you ask of yourself and others. Are they benefiting you by allowing you to be personally accountable? I hope they are.

My book, It’s Your Life….Own It! is about taking control of your own life. Let’s face facts, trying to change somebody else’s behavior probably hasn’t produced the results you were looking for. We can only change ourselves. Author / Book Link

 

My Top 10 List For Raising Happy Children

As parents we provide the best life we can for our children. I believe most of us want our children to become happy and responsible adults. This is my top 10 list to achieve that. You may have your own list however I’m thinking our lists have much in common.

• Teach children they are energy and connected to everything by energy
• Tell children they are intelligent and demonstrate you believe it
• Teach children their thoughts produce tangible results
• Teach words can hurt or encourage and to choose wisely
• Demonstrate that kindness brings joy to both giver and receiver
• Teach that moral courage and integrity are the basis of good decisions
• Teach that collaboration improves every situation
• Teach children that they control how they feel and can change it
• Demonstrate that life is fun and full of opportunity
• Teach by example what happiness is because they witness happy parents

No matter the age of your child, every parent knows the feeling of your words falling on deaf ears. For those of you feeling a bit of discouragement over this, let me assure you that anything that is repeated often does sink in.  You may have to wait until your children have reached adulthood to get verification but the important lessons will stick. Here’s an example that had me laughing out loud. My youngest son, Ryan, was a slob growing up. It was normal not to see his bedroom floor beneath the discarded clothes and sports equipment. Dishes had great difficulty finding their way back to the kitchen. You get the idea. I tried to teach my children that an organized space helps you to feel more in control of your world (not in my top 10). A couple of months ago during a phone conversation, Ryan was telling me what a slob his roommate was. He described dishes with food on them under the bed, clothes dropped wherever and the inability to wipe off the kitchen counter. Evidently Ryan has turned into a neat freak since living on his own. I, of course, was LMAO at the irony. My point is, eventually your kids recognize lessons from childhood.

Although I could turn my top 10 list into a book, I want to address what I believe is the most important — being a happy parent. The fact is what you say doesn’t matter nearly as much as what your children observe in the household. Think about it. The reason so many adults have mental blocks about money is we grew up hearing “money doesn’t grow on trees”, “we can’t afford that” or “our last name isn’t Rockefeller”. We witnessed our parents arguing over money or financial decisions. Even though conversations may not have been directed at us, we developed beliefs based on the sense of lack that was prevalent in the actions of our family.

If you want your children to be happy, find a way to be happy with your life, the way it is right now. Find the joy and gratefulness within the day to day living. Let your children see that there are reasons to be happy even when there is a challenge. Allow them to witness you doing things that you love and the joy it brings you. Pay attention to both your actions and words as you teach them by example that this is a friendly and loving universe. Do this and they will know that happiness is an achievable result of the choices they make coupled with how they think.

You can read more in my book, It’s Your Life….Own It! available on Amazon

Finding Yourself After Divorce

When I found myself living alone for the first time in thirty years, it was as though I’d entered a virtual world. It had components of my previous reality, yet I walked through the first few months in a bit of a fog. My old habits continually exerted their influence and I found myself stopping mid task and asking what the hell I was doing. For example, the first time I went to the grocery store to stock my kitchen, I found myself picking up a bottle of ranch dressing.  When I put it in the shopping cart, I stood there staring at it for a full minute before I took it out and put it back on the shelf.  I hate ranch dressing.  I bought it for years for my husband and children. These are the type actions that you don’t think about, until you do.

The most difficult and time consuming change was changing how I felt about myself. I was no longer getting daily feedback about how I looked or what another didn’t like about what I was doing. When you live in an environment that is continually critical, no matter how strong you are, eventually you begin to take that criticism on as part of your truth. As I started noticing thoughts that made me feel bad, I had to examine each one for the origin….was it my initial thought or one that I’d taken ownership of after hearing it from another?  Recognizing that a belief about yourself actually was something you adopted is the first step in liberating yourself from those beliefs.

Once you identify a belief that is no longer part of your truth, or isn’t beneficial to you, you need to create a replacement belief.  It’s one thing to say I’m not going to believe that anymore, but that isn’t how our minds work.  Think of a toddler with a box of crayons who colors on the wall.  Taking away the crayons could be a short term solution however replacing the surface for coloring teaches what is acceptable.  “Susie, we color on these papers then we can hang them on the wall.” Hopefully you see the difference. For me, the thoughts I had to replace ran the gamut from my feet are ugly to I’m too controlling.

Here is the actual exercise I did to help me begin to change those beliefs about myself. First I wrote down the beliefs that made me feel bad about myself.  I did this in pencil and I left a couple of blank lines between each belief.  I filled a couple of pages on my legal pad as negative thoughts flooded my mind and found their final resting place on the yellow paper with the blue lines. The next part of the process took much more time.  Using a pen, I wrote replacement thoughts in the blank lines between those non-beneficial thoughts. The reason this took longer is I had to find a thought I could believe without that constant battle that occurs when you try to convince yourself of something that is out of your acceptable level of what’s possible. For example I replaced I’m too controlling with I make thoughtful decisions and being organized helps me keep my life in order.

You probably guessed the reason for writing those negative beliefs in pencil, so you can erase them. If you do this exercise for yourself, I’d encourage you to only erase the old belief once you’ve truly switched how you think about that particular topic. That means, dealing with one at a time. It doesn’t matter if it takes months to adjust your beliefs, after all it probably took years for you to take on those negative beliefs. Be gentle on yourself as you work at changing them.

Learning to live on your own after being part of a couple can be difficult however if you’ve gotten to the point that being alone would bring you more personal happiness, I understand that feeling. Although my book is about multiple areas of life, life partners fills a chapter. For more information, you can check out my author book site. No matter what you do, I want you to know that if someone else is deciding how you think about yourself, it’s worth examining.

Finding Daily Inspiration

Have you thought about the correlation or the common link of the things that inspire you? Do you know why such things as quotes, videos or particular people make you feel like being a better person or trying harder to reach your dreams?  I believe that the things that inspire us are at a higher vibrational frequency than we are at that point in time.

We are beings of energy and all of us have a frequency that is normally where we function. If this is a new concept for you, think about different people that you come into regular contact with.  Is there someone you dread dealing with?  That person is operating at a lower frequency than you are.  The phrase “she’s a downer” could apply to such a person.  At the other side of the spectrum are people that always make us feel better when we are in their presence.  They bring us up.  Think of a time you saw a motivational speaker.  Immediately following that encounter you felt better, more energized and that feeling may have lasted hours or even days.  Your vibration raised because of the exposure to someone with a higher vibration.

Even though you have a normal frequency for you, that doesn’t mean you have to stay there.  You can do things each day that move you up.  You will recognize this is happening because you will feel better.  Although reading inspiring quotes or watching a positive video on social media can help, there is one thing that will make the biggest difference.  Surround yourself with people that make you feel better, happier, more alive.  If these types of people aren’t part of your daily life, than take the time to reach out and call someone who is. Hearing the upbeat tone in someone’s voice is much more effective than a text or an email because your brain picks up on the vibration they are emitting.

Another way to increase your vibration is to express gratitude.  Even when life is handing you lemons, there is something you can be grateful for……find it……and remind yourself of what is good in your life.  The people you love and what they mean to you is a great way to start.  For me, any time I’m feeling off or uncentered, I reach out to my youngest son.  We live on opposite sides of the country so our phone conversations are precious to me.  At 21, he is one of the happiest people, and best at manifesting, that I know.  When our daughter says that everything just comes easy to him, I have to point out that he follows his heart and focuses on his own happiness which pulls people and circumstances to him that are in alignment with how he is feeling.  Like attracts like.  A fact we tend to forget.

My third suggestion is to focus on lifting up someone else.  When we put our attention on helping another, we tend not to focus on our own issues so much.  We can be the person who raises another’s vibration.  So what will inspire you today?  Or will you provide inspiration to another?  It’s all about the choices that you make.  Decide well.

If you want to find other ways to increase your personal vibration, go to my website and sign up for the free newsletter.  christiebakeman.com

Why Dr. Wayne Dyer Inspired Me For Over 30 Years

I cried last August when I heard about Dr. Wayne Dyer’s death.  I was saddened not so much for myself but for the world as a whole.  We need people who are willing to honestly share of themselves to make a positive difference and to bring hope to this troubled planet.  A voice of reason, love and encouragement had left us.

The first time I encountered Wayne Dyer was shortly after Your Erroneous Zones was released.  He had just begun his speaking career and I was attending a conference by Alternatives In Motivation.  I had no idea that brief encounter would influence me throughout my adult life.  Let me me clear, the man couldn’t have picked me out of a crowd, still I felt a connection to his work.  I felt blessed to see him speak in Denver just four months prior to his death.  All the things I loved; his humor, common sense speak, gentleness, and openness still existed even after thirty years of being in the limelight.

Do you understand how difficult that may have been?  As I think about others I’ve met who have achieved great success, I am forced to observe the differences.  Arrogance, believing you are better and just plain rudeness don’t have to be byproducts of your achievements and Wayne proved that.  The wonder of this life and his openness resulted in his final book, Memories of Heaven, which examines our curiosity of where we came from the eyes of the newest among us.  I highly recommend this beautiful piece of work to anyone with children or grandchildren.

As a writer of non-fiction I find Dr. Wayne Dyer’s advice of writing from the soul, essential to staying focused.  I interpret this as writing from the highest vibration possible, what I call the true you, that indestructible energy that operates at the level that is part of all that is.  To recognize that all people are connected to a source energy and to appeal to that connection with words is something Wayne excelled at.  Even the stories of difficulties shared were meant to connect and then lift up those in the audience.

The fact is that no person lives without some challenges rising up and taking our attention away from what we desire.  How we label those events depends on both our beliefs and our attitude about life.  We can see them as opportunities for growth as Wayne did or we can see them as evidence of a cruel and unfair world.  The choice is yours.  For me, I choose to see the opportunity within the struggle, in part because I was introduced to a great teacher over three decades ago.

You can connect with me or see more of my work at christiebakeman.com  Please feel free to leave comments here or on my website.

A Great Memory Can Be a Detriment.

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I had an epiphany on Mother’s Day about myself and how much room I had for spiritual growth.  I’ve always been proud of my memory.  The fact it was good wasn’t just my opinion, co-workers quickly discovered I didn’t forget much.  It didn’t matter if the subject was dates, events or policies.  My mind connected enough dots to allow recall on demand.  The same is true regarding personal relationships, as I would recall conversations, feelings and behaviors.  This is especially true for those connected to a date or holiday.  Hence my soul searching adventure on Mother’s Day.

We were having dinner at my in-laws and I suppose the expression on my face was a bit melancholy.  “Why do you look like that?  You heard from both your boys and we both told you happy Mother’s Day this morning” says hubby.  Well that was all it took for me to recall in great detail the past few Mother’s Days and the inaccuracy of his statement.  Down the rabbit hole I went emotionally.  A few minutes later I felt the need to correct him as I pulled him aside and pointed out that my step-daughter has never wished me greetings on this day.  Not to mention her lack of acknowledgment of my birthday, which of course I did mention.

There lies the epiphany.  The quality of life isn’t about what others do or don’t do, it is about how we think about the situation.  Do we label it as a positive or a negative?  Any event is just that, an event.  It isn’t until we assign it a label within our mind that it produces any type of emotion.  I know this.  I write about it.  However there are times that I forget what I know and I react without objectivity and follow the river of my emotions.

Later, on the drive home, I found myself defending my step-daughter within my own mind.  I know she loves me from what she says and does during the course of daily life for the three years we’ve lived together.  Maybe she feels it would be disloyal to her own mother to demonstrate appreciation on a special day.  The fact that she would prefer to live with her mother and it isn’t possible weighs on her soul.  Where mothers day is special to me, it may be a torment within her.  These are things I must consider for both of our benefit.  Along with the fact that I know she wouldn’t intentionally hurt me.  Within a blended family there are wounds that are unseen, yet must be tended to.  As a parent, we must set the example and recognize what is important to our children to allow them to flourish.  That may mean seeing life from their point of view instead of our own.

Sometimes having a great memory prevents us from living in the present moment.  When we are thinking about what has happened in the past we aren’t focused on the here and now.  We miss the joy of the moment.  The fact is that all of us have painful memories, big or small doesn’t matter.  When we put our attention on those we prevent something different from manifesting in our lives.  Like attracts like.  Sometimes you just have to let things go.  Being grateful for what is currently in your life is a good start.  For me I need to be less proud of my memory and develop a pride for living in the moment.

Please feel free to comment on this or any other blog.  I’m interested in your opinions.

Thoughts Impact Your Health!

I don’t know about you, but I grew up believing that diseases were inherited.  However recent scientific data proves that is only the case about 5% of the time.  What really makes a difference is what you think about your own health and I’m talking about both your self talk and what you say to others.  Your language also makes a difference.  The universe doesn’t recognize don’t, never and no especially when there is strong emotion behind your statements.  The law of attraction brings you what you are focused on, meaning the situation or circumstance that has your attention.

Let me tell you a story to make my point.  I had a close friend who I’ll call Cal.  When Cal was a teenager his father passed away at the young age of 46.  Once Cal had a family of his own he began worrying that he would have the same fate.  He repeatedly said out loud that he would never leave his children without a father.  Cal would talk about his father dying young and say it wouldn’t happen to him.  Because of his concern he made sure that he got regular checkups and he lived a relatively healthy lifestyle.  He didn’t smoke, drank alcohol only on occasion and exercised.  Yet, his mental focus was still on not letting some horrible disease sneak up on him.  At age 40, he began having health issues and a variety of doctors couldn’t agree on what was causing them.  He was visiting doctors at least twice per month.  Three days after his cardiologist gave him a clean bill of health he passed away at 43 years old.  He did exactly what he said he wouldn’t…..left his children without a father.

If this was the only person I observed this happen to, maybe I would think differently.  However I’ve witnessed the law of attraction bring multiple people what they were focused on.  When you use the words never or don’t want, please recognize that you are putting energy and focus on that thing you are trying to push away.  Whatever we resist, persists. That’s the tough part especially when we feel so strongly about anything, including our health.  We receive what we are attracting with our beliefs and our thoughts.  When someone dies at a young age we often will hear about how unfair life is.

This world that we live in is fair, you just have to understand the rules.  I’m talking about the operating system that we live within.  You get what you focus your energy and attention on and if those desires are coupled with strong emotion, unseen forces go to work to bring it to you.  Pay attention to your thoughts and learn how to focus on what it is that you really desire.  Having gratitude for your health is a good start.  Learn more about making the rules of the universe work in your favor by learning how your beliefs affect your results.  My book, It’s Your Life….Own It! shares concepts about improving your health as well as other areas of your life.  Check out my author page to learn more.

Entitlement Boundaries

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You are entitled to many things; to have your own thoughts and beliefs, to create the life you desire and to experience all the joy and happiness you can attract.  It doesn’t matter your circumstances, these things are under your control.

Usually when we think of entitlement our minds jump to those who feel they should get something for nothing or rely on others to take care of them.  Why is that?  I think it is because we, as a collective group, have created a culture that falsely states all people should be equal in all things.  Whether it is participation trophies or the distain for extreme success and wealth, we have lost our way.  We blame others for our circumstances and insist that in order for there to be equality that everyone must have the same amount of resources.

I actually believe that all people are equal.  All of us have the same opportunity to create what we want our life to look like.  There is not a single person unable to change their thoughts or beliefs when different evidence is presented to them.  Once we engage with the idea that we are responsible for our circumstances, we open the door to possibilities.  That is the beginning of the magic of creation, when we own our results, we then recognize that we can change them.

The laws of this universe that we all reside in are the same for everyone.  You attract what you put out there in way of the frequency that you vibrate at.  If you exude love for your fellow man, you will find numerous examples of kindness, joy and caring come into your life.  However if you complain and disparage others on a continual basis, should you really be surprised if your life sucks?  Pay attention to what you are putting out there.  I don’t just mean what you post on social media but also your thoughts, and only you truly know what those are.

Yes, you are entitled, to what you can create.  That doesn’t mean you are entitled to someone else’s creation or their money.  It doesn’t mean that you are entitled to the same job as someone who put in more effort to become the best candidate.  It doesn’t mean that your government should take care of you while others foot the bill.  I’m not against social programs that have limits.  If you lose your job, file for unemployment, until you have another job.  If a circumstance changes and you need food stamps, by all means apply for them to help your family, until you are able to recover from the situation.  Most of us have experienced a time in our life when we needed help.  That doesn’t mean we should use that assistance to take care of us for the rest of our lives if we are mentally/physically capable of providing for ourselves.

You are a creator.  You are special and unique.  You are entitled by the very nature of your being.  Just don’t confuse being entitled with being taken care of.  There is a difference.

If you want to take more control of your life and your results, you can find practical techniques in my book, It’s Your Life….Own It!

Respecting the Wisdom of Others

Something strange and wonderful happened last week.  My teenager sat at the kitchen table for two hours discussing important life topics like respect, knowledge verses experience and personal responsibility.  The most amazing part of this was that she initiated the conversation.  It was one of the times you recognize that everything else can wait because you’ve only got this one opportunity for this kind of connection.  If you are a parent, you understand that the normal conversation is typically limited to a few words or if you are lucky, a few sentences.

Interestingly, at least to me, was the divergence between our conversation and the number of things I’ve viewed or read about millennials lately.  Most of it has addressed how they are shallow, entitled and have no work ethic.  I personally don’t think that is the case.  All young people try to find their way in the world and millennials happen to being doing it in ways we couldn’t have perceived when we were their age.  Technology has brought them more information at a faster rate and as a group they have become more aware of the world around them.  If they are entitled it is because we, as parents or a society, created that situation.  If we expect them to take responsibility then we should set the example by recognizing the part we played in creating this situation.

Young people have opinions and it doesn’t matter if you agree or not, their opinions should be respected.  Sure, life experience may have taught you something different. However to expect they will come around to your way of thinking is setting yourself up for a letdown.  It probably won’t happen. All of us create our own reality.  We do this by taking actions that are in alignment with our beliefs.  If you believe that you must work for a company to earn a living, that is what you will do.  Many of these young people are proving that they can create an income out of thin air.  Okay, it may involve the internet, but the fact is they create jobs that are so untraditional it is hard for us to understand.  If they support themselves by working only twenty hours a week, we call that lazy.  Decades ago I attended seminars produced by Alternatives In Motivation and the theme was do what you love to do.  I look at millennials and I see them living that.  They spend less time working and more time enjoying life.  Wow, is it possible we criticize their lifestyle because we are jealous?

I believe that everyone comes into this life with an immense amount of knowledge.  We are creators and as such, this life is about creating the reality we wish to live in.  Rather than putting our focus on others maybe that energy would be better spent addressing our own beliefs, thus our own creation.  Of course, if we are open to seeing the beauty in other’s creations, we can learn from them.  Imagine finding enough peace, joy and enlightenment that others decide to call you lazy.  I’d be cool with that.

If you are open to finding more happiness and creating a life closer to what you desire, I’d like to share my book with you.  Read more here.

 

Manifesting Requires Faith

The most difficult part of creating something new in your life is to have faith.  The lack of faith is the reason people don’t believe the law of attraction works for them.  Typically this is the scenario.  I come up with a desire and send that out into the universe, maybe I even share it with another person.  I think about what it is that I want, why I want it and how it will benefit me and others.  I focus on the result but can’t help also focusing on the details.  Then I wonder about the hows.  That’s when the doubts start marching into my mind like soldiers from a conquering land.  With them, they carry the why’s of why my dream isn’t possible.  My logical mind starts pointing out my current reality and before you know it, doubt has taken over, placing me on a fence of my manifestation.  I will surely fall off this fence on the side of my beliefs.  Without faith I fall back into my current reality – the one I’m trying to escape.

Sound familiar?  We all experience this scenario at some point for different reasons.  It could be that you lack confidence in your abilities.  It could be that you aren’t convinced that you deserve to have your desires manifest.  It could be that your beliefs about yourself don’t benefit you any longer and need to change.  I can’t tell you the why.  What I can tell you is that change is possible if accompanied by faith.

Faith is simply a belief in something that you can’t see or touch even though you know it exists.  Are there things you already experience faith in?  Maybe it is a higher power such as God.  Maybe you have faith that your children will do the right thing.  You may have faith that a particular candidate will follow through on their promises.  My point is that each of us experiences faith in something outside of ourselves and we can apply that same principle to our own creation.

When you decide to create anything you do so with a bit of faith that it is needed, will fill a gap or will be beneficial to you or others.  Let’s revisit the scenario from above.  You decide that you are going to follow through with a dream.  You love it and are passionate about this dream.  You send it out into the universe, including telling others because the spoken word is powerful.  You focus on the result; what your life looks like once this dream is achieved and how you feel.  Capture that feeling and that picture in your head so it is the only option.  You create this new reality in your mind.  You “know” that the universe is handling the hows and will provide opportunities to move you closer.  You take faith filled action each day to contribute to the manifestation of your dream.  You believe you are on the correct path for you and when those soldiers of doubt approach, you have faith that the fortress of your mind is strong enough to hold them at bay until the point that you begin to experience your new reality.  No need to fight the soldiers at that point, let them die from the natural cause of your dream being realized.

If this writing resonates with you, check out my website and join our community.